PeEp-hOLe

nikki has now had every worm possible.

those little white things in her poop that i am seeing is a tapeworm!!! but apparently, tapeworms for dogs are not really harmful and i just need to get her an injection to clear it up no huge rush.

oh, and the letter from HOA supposedly says that work "will start" on the patio fences on the 28th, wednesday.

wednesday, i bring my dogs to daycare - $40. come home fence is still there. more masonry materials piled next to the fencing.

thursday, bring dogs to daycare - $40. come home, fence is still fucking there.

friday, bring dogs to days - $40. decide to call their retarded asses to find out when they are actually going to start the fencing....

and this is classic "top notch mgmt." first, on fridays they are only open from 9am to 12:30pm. ok, fine. so i dial x23 for M's (the lady that manages our complex) extension. her message says "hello, today is January 30th and i will be out of the office for most of the morning". um, you're only open from 9-12:30pm, so, basically, you are out today. "please leave a detailed message and i will get back to you within 24 hours." ok, fine, i can do that. voicemail lady: "you cannot leave a message for this user b/c the mailbox is full."

lovely. are you fucking kidding me? unbelievable.

so i guess during lunch, L and company probably discussed some of the issues surrounding my module, the big cheese, and just the project in general, b/c the discussion we just had showed we were on the same page. i am no closer to having a real project or product manager and big cheese is no closer to understanding how a healthy software project should function.

at least it seems like L and myself are understanding that we are both kinda stuck in between a rock and a hard place. L has to act like middle management, move the project along, and interface with Big Cheese yet has to help the people with f'ed up requirements -- help us get valid requirements from the people that supposedly know. the even more wacked out part of it is that we have do the freaking damage control. we have to say "you know, [big state gov't entity]'s system requirements ask for this... are you sure that it's not need anymore in the system?" that kind of retarded crap. i mean, that's how ridiculous it is. b/c we know that if we do what they say, 6 months from now they might realize that they are now missing what they needed in the first place and now it is too late to add it back to the system, easily. yeah, um, so we are developers, database developers, system analysts, project managers, information architects, quality assurance, and technical documentation writers.

all at the same time. can someone please explain to me how we're going to make this work and function as a team? [without a clear leader].

this place is making me very bitter. really. i mean, i am acknowledging the fact that i am really a total bitch at work. and it wasn't like this to start. the first 6 months i was pretty positive and pleasant (except with somewhat chauvanstic dba, but that was entirely justified since everyone now sees how retarded he is when it comes to the project). the environment here is making me touchy, on edge, and unpleasant.

maybe it's time to really (not just threaten) but really look for a new job. i've been here for 2 years now (well, almost. 2 years in march). so there is a comfort there. the money has gotten very good (if i can manage to get 8 hours a day. which sometimes is hard, esp. during the holidays and vacation time and stuff). i would probably have to take a cut in pay for another job which is kinda bad especially since i am recovering from house purchase and first rounds of remodeling. and the hours may not be as flexible... which is also an issue...

so i have to wonder... maybe i should try to make a conscious effort to be more positive. but the catch-22 in it is that the project's direction is so fucked up that i also have to learn not to care as much about what i am doing. that is where i have a problem. i am one of those dorks that takes lots of pride in her work. even if it is like writing code. how can i be positive about work, when i feel the project going to shit?

co-workers are always telling me not to care about stuff. who cares if they tell you to rewrite the same component over and over again (when really, they should figure out what they want the first or second time and that's it. instead of jerking me around), you are getting paid and making them happy. i try to think this way, but i am really not able at all. i can ignore the situation for a week or two at a time, but then, something happens that opens the damn and i get all aggravated and cranky and just pessismistic.

so i am having a hard time doing my job well. and i am not sure what doing my job well really is anymore. what would be doing it well? being positive and pleasant, and just doing whatever they tell me to do? or is it trying to get the team to function more cohesively and effectively? i think it's the latter, except that, at this point, i am unable to accomplish even a respectable attempt at it. basically i am in a pattern of resistance. resisting the ass-backwards way this project is being run. and it's hard to be defensive about this whole mess while at the same time not get negative and bitter.

i am so bored with work, and i don't want to surf anymore b/c i don't feel like getting the nasty website reports that tells me how much i surfed. so now all i can think about is the stupid vending machine downstairs and the single dollar i have left burning in my wallet. stupid vending machine.

must fight. don't need m&m's.

what a freaking day. It started out with getting up a 6am and organizing loads of paperwork that i have lying around. 7am, i am ready to go to the doggie park but since when are plans actually followed. i called the dogs in from outside and savannah, on the way in, decides to step in and smear a recently deposited shit-pile and subsequently distribute said shit-pail all over the first floor of the house.

lovely.

i spend the next 30 minutes cleaning what i can of the mess (there is still some stuck in the throw rug - i am waiting for it to dry so i can vacuum it up easier). finally, around quarter to 8, i get to the park in san pedro. yesterday, there was no one at the park. i mean, literally, when i left, the big dog park was completely empty. today, you'd think the were giving out free dog treats or something, or hand jobs, who knows. every dog and his grandmother was there. we go in and like 10 minute later macho dog pushing ensues between a rottweiler and a shepherd mix, growling and stuff. luckily the trainer lady is there to recognize the situation and the altercation is avoided. in the meantime, a golden retriever gets all riled up and his owner, a park lady scolds him and he backs down. doggie emotions are high, let me tell you.

after all this, nikki gets sniffed head to toe by one of the macho dogs and she does her roll-over-and-show-tummy submission. she does this for two dogs so overall, she was being very non-confrontational. generally she is barking up a storm. even savannah had to put her head down and be submissive with the shepherd mix at one point.

so we have about 15 minutes of no-incident reasonably normal dog play time. still, i feel there is tension. there are two xindo-looking mixes that are very vocal, lots of barking and stuff. they run around with balls ans toys and nikki and savannah follow them up to the water area with other dogs, get some water, etc. one of the xindos has a ball or something. nikki wants to play, she's just a pup. so i am walking up to the area just b/c i like to be near them where-ever they are playing to keep an eye. i see nikki try to play with the xindo, looks like she either tried to get the balls, maybe licked or nipped at him a little, all in play since there was no bearing or teeth or barking from her. without warning, the xindo snaps and bites her in the face-area. she screams bloody murder, is totally freaked out, and runs towards me, all the while screeching incessantly. i am searching her face frantically as she runs towards me to see if she still had her eye intact. she looks ok, but is screaming so load, i'm sure the whole neighborhood heard. i pick her up, meanwhile, just about every dog in the park (and there were quite a few, like 15 or so) runs up to me with nikki in my arms. a little scary. someone yells to put her down and i do, just because i know that when you pick up a dog with other dogs around, it can cause weird behavior, so i do, even though i really just want to grab her get her out of the area. the park lady blows this airhorn, presumably to break up the dog congregation. really, it only sort of worked. some dispersed but they were still hanging around. the trainer and the park lady give nikki a psuedo-examination, noted that she seems to have a pulled leg muscle since it is all tensed up, but doesn't seem to have any cuts. she tells me to check her again in a few minutes b/c the skin goes into shock and won't necessarily show any wounds immediately.

nikki chills out and even plays a bit with a bigger dog, who, i'm told, love puppies. her attitude seems to be intact, though i can tell she's a little on edge in general. while she's playing i notice some bleeding on her head above her right eye. small little spot. i check it out and it's definitely a cut. the park lady looks at it and says it's a puncture wound. i guess i am lucky she didn't lose an eye!

yet another vet visit. vet looks at it, seems to be on the fence with a single stitch or skin glue. after shaving the hair off she gets skin glue. the cut is larger than i had originally thought. like 1/2 inch of so, crescent-shaped. antibiotic injection and 10-day antibiotic course.

what is kinda urking me is why that dog was allowed to stay in the park and no-one said aything to the owner. he bit a female puppy for nothing. no warning. a simple leave-me-the-fuck-alone growl would have sufficed for her. and dogs know a puppy from a full-grown dog. that dog is seriously fucked in the head to go after a puppy who was only trying to play. she did nothing to instigate him.

more doggie disasters. more meds and issues. she won't be able to go to the park for a while, probably till at least wednesday when the cut has healed up a little more. savannah cam gp but i'll have to bring her alone. or go with lauren early in the morning and stay with nikki in the "small" dog park.

fucking agita.

so this grocery store clerk strike is starting to push my buttons. since september the 3 major supermarkets' employees have been striking due to the corporations' desires to shift some of health care's rising costs to their employees. because i am the bleeding-heart liberal that i am, especially concerning this country's f'd up health care system, i have avoided all 3 establishments for 4 months now. but it's really taking it's toll, gosh darn it.

my quickly-getting-old-and-pathetic affordable shopping alternatives:
a. Trader Joe's
b. Food-4-Less

a. Shopping at Trader Joe's has an inherent duality. And they tend to oppose each other, at least for me (lately). The place is stocked full of interesting international foods and stuff, as well as all kinds of healthy junk with lots of fiber and the word "organic" tacked on. and overall, i do love Trader Joe's. generally, when i go there (assuming i am not in a pissed-off mood) i see this "cool" stuff and i get all inspired with new ideas. like:

1. "hey, i read about this quinoa stuff on epicurious.com, this is good for you and i'm sure i can make some fun dishes with this, i'll get it."
2. "hazelnuts. you know? i don't eat enough nuts, really. i need more of this in my diet."
3. "oooh, they have alphalpha sprouts. i need to get off my lazy ass and bring my lunch to work again. healthy, cheap eating"
4."energy bars. you know, maybe i can fit some running and working out back into my schedule again, between cleaning up puppy poop and the house in general, driving to work in LA traffic, installing hardwood on my stairs, and cooking meals for myself and most of the time also for my partially and temporarily lumbar-discs-impared boyfriend"

this is of course followed by:

5. The box of quinoa sitting in my cabinet for 2 months untouched and unopened.
6. Realizing that eating *too* many hazelnuts will actually cause me to gain weight because
7. The best attempt at exercise has been 30 minutes walking my dogs on the days they don't go to daycare
8. ...and the next time i go to TJ's having the same 1-4 thoughts, accompanied by brief feelings of futility fueled by events 5-7.

maybe i am being somewhat dramatic, but not really. going there twice a week is really taking the fun out of TJ's. not to mention that trader joe's shopping only takes you so far for your daily sustenance. until you get sick of funky frozen entrees and "healthy" hansen sodas when all you really want is a 12 pack of diet pepsi and some cheerios.

it's now mid-january and i have realized all this trader joe's (and the occasional food-4-less) shopping has made me miss all the fun seasonal junk that i was looking forward to getting. like...

Ben & Jerry's Festivus. the holiday for the rest of us. possibly my favorite b&j flavor, but the damn thing is a limited, seasonal edition. gingerbread, cinnamon, cream, and brown sugar ice cream. i love this stuff so much that last christmas, when i discovered that my ralph's had Festivus, i bought 5 pints and stored it in my freezer for when there would be Festivus no more. yes i am that obessed. but for the sake of principle and social justice, i have eaten no Festivus.
[my = "if i frequent the place, it becomes mine. generally only applies to chains where other people have their ralph's or sharkies"]

gingerbread ice cream men sandwiches [made by some-seemingly-unknown-food-company-but-who-cares-b/c-it's-good-eats]. found them at my ralph's and was a bit of a splurge purchase at the time, but damn, they were good. i was looking forward to those, and the thought would pop up in my head every so often last year that this christmas i might get to buy those sandwiches.

beyond the seasonal junk, how 'bout normal everyday crap!!? like...

diet soda. they don't carry that at TJ's (waaay to common place for trader jose's). so i have to resort to costco but then, who really wants to go to costco more than once a month and deal with the mob of people buying 10 pound cheese blocks, 14 quarts of whole milk, and 108 tampons once a week? i just can't. again i love costco, but i'm not a masochist.

fresh meat. i'm talking about the "moo" or "oink" kind, so anyone thinking otherwise, can redirect any misplaced excitement. i haven't eaten a burger at home that doesn't resemble browned cardboard in a very long time. i have a stupid new grill to match my stupid new (well it's really not new at all in the literal sense) townhouse and all that TJ's has is 97% lean ground beef. i mean, i'm all for healthy eating, but come on. they don't even sell that kind of lean madness at ralph's.

peanut butter. i just want normal peanut butter like jif or something. i don't want natural, hippy, sugar-free peanut butter with the inch of oil sitting on the top. just the regular stinkin' processed peanut butter. again, i can't go buy f'ing 4-pound tubs of kirkland peanut at costco because, i just can't. i'll be eating the same peanut butter for 3 years.

what about...
b. Food-4-Less? yeah, should i even go into that one? where to begin. b/c that place is just all kinds of dysfunctional and really, if it hadn't been for this strike i would have never set foot in there. the place has a warehouse feel to it (but not good warehouse like costco) with concrete floors and there's no deli at all (so getting sliced meat for sandwiches is impossible, unless i want to carl buddig salt-laden processed deli meat in the little packs which are not very good). and the inside is mostly an obnoxious yellow color.

in a nutshell, just from the name you can imagine what group of people Food-4-Less is targeted for. people that think somehow Ralph's/Vons/Albertsons is too expensive or they are fooled by the name Food-4-Less (thinking that the food is actually sold for less). this place is kind of like those stores that put "Outlet" in their names but you notice that the prices are the same as any normal store and sometimes more for certain things. maybe it's just b/c i am anal retentive and have penny pinching qualities that i notice thss, but when i used to go to ralph's way more stuff was on sale for much better prices. the key is buying as much sale stuff as posssible. but anyway, just going there is a frustration b/c the place is kinda creepy, the selection is limited and bad, and i feel like i'm getting cheated.

where am i going with this... whining masked as some kind of analytical ca-ca.

i guess there's something to be said for making sacrifices for what you believe in. this isn't like giving my extra kidney to someone. but just about everyone i know has intentionally crossed the lines because, while they understand the plight of the workers, it's just too inconvenient for them to go somewhere else to get their diet coke and cereal. and the workers' healthcare problems don't directly affect them so who cares? right?

i'm not trying to be holier than thou, but i just don't get that kind of mentality.

Go Pats!!! We got nice frigid temps in Foxboro for those Titans.

haha, yes, Savannah's stitches are out and no more cone!!! yes! i felt bad for the pet hospital workers though :( apparently it took 5 (!!!) people to hold her down to get the stitches out. i didn't even know they had that many people working there at one time. must've been most of the staff and more than one vet. at least they don't have to deal with her for a while now that this is over. oh, and she chewed through the newest collar i got her, which was a halter-type thing. partly my fault b/c i left it on her for ease of use. guess i'm going to have to take it off after walks and stuff.

nikki. ahhh little nikki. stitches came out this morning. completely painless. just rolled her over and vet took them out. hehe, and the latest from the another daycare lady: "she is very sure of herself. she has no problem walking up to a much bigger dog and barking at them." yep, that's her. when you've been bred to herd 1500 pound steeds, you have to be pretty sure of yourself and vocal at that. anyway, so she's doing well. aside from the fact that she's a totally picky eater ("oh, eukanuba again? don't you have anything else?"). gotta change up the canned food just about everyday so she doesn't get bored. they all have something. i prefer this food pickiness to wild and crazyness. speaking of which one of these days i'll be blogging about savannah breaking through the living room window. when someone leaves the house she seems to slam herself into the window (since you can see a little through the shades to the walkway). I went to get the mail and I heard "THUMP, THUMP!" and then lauren yelling "Savannah! NO!" please, God, tell me that she will calm down after the puppy stage.

oh, and i've been thinking about getting the outkast CD. i'm really not a rap person but the last 2 songs from them i've actually liked. and i like "Hey Ya" alot. so maybe i'll get that we'll see.

yeah, D, vacuum research is sort of retarded in the sense that the reviews are all over the place some raving some declaring it the biggest piece of junk since the dodge colt. seems like bagless with pethair might be sketchola just because with static cling, the pet hair is probably not going to come out very easily, without getting stuck all over the plastic filter and then your clothes as you try to empty it. in the end, my assessment is that they all pretty much suck unless you have around 350-500 bucks to spend then you'll get an awesome vacuum. but for that kind of cash, i'll be waiting a while before i can afford it. plus, those expensive models tend to be heavy. and i am not all that fond of lugging around heavy vacuums, it's annoying. so i figure stick with somthing under 80 bucks and replace it if i have to, but 400/80 is 5. so i could buy a vacuum every year for 5 years for what it would cost me for a dyson.

my brain is shutting down - all i can think about is getting a new vacuum. i must really be bored with work. why a new vacuum? well i'm not really thrilled with my current vacuum not to mention the fact that it has started smelling like stinky feet. literally. lauren asked his dad what he though it might be since his dad has sold appliances for years. doesn't know. my guess is it's the HEPA filter which is just this stupid piece of foam. and it only started smelling like feet *after* i changed the bag. so running the vacuum cleans the floor, but at the same time makes you feel like you have 10 pairs of unwashed, sweaty feet in the room. so yeah, my guess is that after 3 years, it might be hard to find a replacement filter. probably have to get it from the company, that can't be that cheap and it's a total hassle. and i'm not even sure that's the problem. and it's not like i am that thrilled with the vacuum, i got it like the first week i moved out here and didn't have any clue on vacuums at all (one brand vs. another, types, size, etc). i just got whatever i could find at sears.

so anyway, for some reason it has occupied my mind pretty much all day. researching what vacuum i should get. bagless vs. bagged, canister vs. upright, cheap vs. expensive vs. high-way robbery, bissell vs. europro vs. dyson (um, don't have 400 bucks for a vacuum. but it sounds nice and looks pretty cool!). etc.

finally decided against bagless. v. few people have actually said they liked the bagless vacs. sounds like a total mess to empty and it's not suprising to me after dealing with my shop vac which is essentially bagless. only bagless vac that got really good reviews was the dyson dc07, but who has $400 for a vacuum with only a 2 year warranty? (dude, for that price i want it to last me a decade).

anyway i found what looks like a good one (a bissell) for 55 bucks (i know, now is when i love amazon. don't always love amazon as noted in previous posts). no tax, shipping, etc. i should just end this temporary obsession and buy the damn thing. just parting with the money, i hate it. well, at least i can donate my stinky feet vacuum to the salvation army and take a deduction.

alright. purchased. nice streamlined amazon process. i have such a love-hate relationship with them. but 54.99 and no tax and shipping for what sounds like a great little vac, i can't pass it up.

life is hectic, what's new. but i might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel - for now. depends on what the vet says about savannah's stitches.

Nikki's first day at day care was yesterday. I dropped her off at 7:15am and when I left her she seemed a little freaked out. Anyway, so I brought her back this morning and on the car ride, she whined and whined. And when we got there, she made no effort to get out of the car, so I figured she must be not have enjoyed day care. so I pick her up out of the car and we walk over to the door. Each door has a 3 foot metal latch gate. I stop to open the gate, and she puts her paw on it, like "alright, open it and let's go." Ok. We go through the door and her tail (or rather her little stump, since it was docked) is wagging and she runs up to the next gate that goes into the doggie area in the back. Sits in front of it and puts her paw on it. tail wagging, all happy. lady says she was playing "hard" with the other dogs yesterday so all this while i thought she was freaked out turns out she was just "dog-tired" last night from romping around with the other dogs. i can't wait until i can bring savannah - it'll be good to have her tired in the evening once in a while.

nikki also hammed it up at petsmart when i went to exchange savannah's collar. strangers would come up to her and she would sit and wag her tail. she is too smart, she doesn't even need training to understand what the best way to approach strangers is. savannah on the other hand, is just a big crazy girl. thinks jumping on them with her 45 pound body is the best approach.

i might actually make 8 hours of work today with nick-nack and daycare and getting here early. still not enough to warrant the cost of it. until i can clock 9 hours a day, daycare won't really pay for itself. hopefully i will be able to get those 9 hours when both of the dogs go. no worries about having to go to the vet to get savannah which means leaving early. oh please let those stitches come out soon!!! even monday morning would be just fine with me!

alright i should do some work. blah.